I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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