Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
