Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
