if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
