He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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