She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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