i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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