20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize