If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
