thus making me awesome and them whores
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
