Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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