my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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