Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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