just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
