Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
