I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
