it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
