But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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