Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
