i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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