mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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