I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
