The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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