and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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