I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
