Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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