Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
