My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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