When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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