god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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