i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
