I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
