dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
