What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
