i already hear my dad disowning me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
