organizing the empties. That sober.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
