TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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