he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
