God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
