Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize