oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize