I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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