Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
