Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
