She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
