I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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