Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
