so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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