highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
