onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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