Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize