im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
