well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize