i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize