I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
