Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
