Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize