i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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