i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
wow bdsm is so cute
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
