You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
