too bad you live with your parents still
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
