It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize