If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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