so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
