Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
