can u get pink eye on your cock?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
