she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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