I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize