Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
