i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
