my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
