There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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