he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
