Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
