This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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