I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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