i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
