if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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