and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
