It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
