i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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